Using obstacles as the Path

Today's meeting with my son't advisor was difficult. He's failing classes and very resistant to receiving help. The entire meeting just degenerated into frustration for everyone present. Please Mother Tara, help me to hold him and all who are suffering with compassion and unconditional love. Help me to skillfully support him in his efforts. Please help me guard my own self-cherishing mind and examine all thoughts and actions that do not help him gain freedom from suffering. May all beings, including my troubled son, have all happiness and joy, be free from suffering, and abide in complete equanimity. Mother Tara who is the perfect refuge and source of all good, please watch over him as you do all other beings. May any merits generated from my requests and actions, both now and in the future, be dedicated to the benefit of all beings. May all their sufferings be driven into me so that they do not have to suffer. May the dharma flourish and many all inherent Buddha nature be nourished and grow.

A flash of lightening in the dark

Last night I woke several times to a flash of light. As I live near the Pacific Ocean, this area rarely gets lightening. The last time I'd seen light flash around our house my husband was taking pictures outside. The light last night, however, was strong enough to wake me. At first I thought I'd been dreaming it. Several minutes later there was another flash.

Immediately I felt myself draw down under the covers. My groggy mind thought, "There's someone outside with a light flashing it into the window." Fear was automatic; was there someone outside trying to break in? A faint rumble in the distance affirmed that the flash was lightening and not a prowler.

A voice immediately spoke up. "I you are afraid of this illusion then how will you be able to navigate your death without fear, with the confidence required to be unafraid of the illusions that will appear and skillfully navigate the bardo to a new and fortunate rebirth?"

The time I am devoting to practice and Ngondro seems to be planting seeds, rehabituating my thoughts. Without Dharma I suffer. With Dharma I apply the medicine to reduce my suffering. With Dharma practiced for all sentient beings I experience joy. It's as simple as that...

May all beings be free from suffering and its causes, have all joy & happiness and their causes, and experience equanimity.

Sarva Mangalam!

Rain Retreat

It's been over a month since I "started" the Tara retreat. By started, I mean that my intention to do Tara practice at least three times a day was clear but the follow-through hasn't been what I expected. Instead, for the first month I've done what Lama Yeshe called a "research retreat." Not that this is a bad thing--especially for me--but it isn't what I now see as an unrealistic expectation on the front-end that probably would not have been as satisfying as where I'm moving towards today.

Rather than blindly recite all the praises to Tara I really dug into the background and meaning of the verses. I am by no means an expert now, but I do feel a small amount of understanding when I recite the practices. In addition, my explorations have opened me to new discoveries. I realize that how I did many practices in the past was very, very faulty. I won't beat myself up about this because at least I was trying at the level I was at then. Now my practices are faulty but every day I learn a bit more that helps me gain small insights into how profound and beautiful the Dharma is. It is truely the medicine that heals all suffering!

Where I began blogging (feebly, I must say) to be able to record my thoughts and things that happen, now I feel much more inclined to keep this to myself. I can say that I am starting my Ngondro practices now. For probably 15 years I've said that some day I'd like to do Ngondro. Ha, ha! Well, what's wrong with today? Yesterday I got up off my fanny and began seriously to accumulate prostrations and refuge recitations.

Something I read that Lama Yeshe had advised helped me do this. He's said to always start a retreat the evening before you plan to start. That way you have everything you need together, you've gone through the practice one time, and when you get up the next day it seems a little easier. That seems to be working for me in a lot of ways. By applying just a little more push in the evening, I find that I can roll the rocks easier the next day.

Observing special practice days has been very helpful and ultimately meaningful. Feeding the birds daily and walking my dog are helping, too. I'm happy with what I have.

As rain pelts the tree out my window,

A lone squirrel on a branch looks in,

Eyes seeking, perhaps asking?

Compassion washes my heart.